Doomed. That’s the only word that I can think of that accurately summarizes my thoughts on Dean’s Hops and Vines, located at 3772 Harrison Avenue in the heart of the Cheviot bar district. Perhaps there is a true cultural difference in what makes a good bar on the west side of town and what makes a good bar on the east side of town. That’s the sole explanation that I can come up with for the favorable Yelp and Urbanspoon reviews that I browsed through after my visit to Dean’s.

I went to Dean’s on a warm Wednesday night with the top down on my car and thoughts of draft beer dancing in my head. By now, I’m sure everyone reading this blog knows that I love almost nothing better than a cold draft beer on a warm night. (Or hot night. Or cold night. Or during the day. Etc.) I may have set myself up for disappointment because upon my arrival I discovered that there were only six beers on draft. There were a few locals featured, such as Dayton’s Warped Wing, but I settled on Kansas City favorite Boulevard Brewing’s Tank 7 Farmhouse Ale. Everyone else had difficult time deciding on a beer due to the limited draft selection. In all fairness, the bottle and can selection appeared to be much better. I say appeared because there was no actual list of beer anywhere in the bar, let alone a beer menu. I am assuming the same about the wine selection.

The lack of a beer list was not the only thing missing at Dean’s. I was surprised that there was no server and even food items from their decently sized (food and drink stained) menu had to be ordered from the bar. Any good bar owner knows that a server will prompt patrons to order more drinks than if they have to trudge to the bar and stand in line for them. The apathetic bartender was the only employee that I saw in the entire 90 minutes that I spent at Dean’s. We ordered a beer cheese and bread appetizer from said bartender that was delivered to our table in a rocks glass. Now, I’m not a presentation Nazi, but a little effort goes a long way. Even a small soup cup would have been an improvement. (The cheese itself was described by one of my friends as “Hormel Chili-ish”. I’m guessing that is probably not a compliment.)

We very quickly came to the conclusion that if the effort put forth by the staff was any indication of how much Dean’s values its patrons that no one cared if we were there that night, let alone cared if we ever came back. So guess what, I’m never going back. Are you happy Dean’s? I’m guessing that you couldn’t care less.