Its not like I ever go into a restaurant that I plan to review with the preconception that it will be horrible, but J Bar Pizzeria on Hyde Park Square in the former location of Indigo, already had one strike against it after my first visit the last week of December. I can’t say enough awful things about my first time eating at J Bar, but I was more than willing to chalk it up to first week kinks still being worked out.

J Bar has been open for almost two months now though, so my patience with any excuses real or imagined that they may have had are completely gone. I honestly don’t even know where to start. One of the few things that J Bar has going for it is the location. I would have thought that the inside of the restaurant would be beautiful since it was theoretically brand new. However, I can’t pinpoint exactly why, but it already looks run down. If that were where the problems ended, they might have a fighting chance.

I ordered a glass of Montepulciano before dinner. While I am by no means a wine expert, this particular glass was horrible, with a strong vinegar aftertaste. In general, this could either indicate a bad bottle of wine, or that the particular bottle has been left open for too long. I don’t really care why. To be fair, I didn’t tell the server or manager that the wine was bad because then I would have also had to tell them how bad the appetizer was too. I ordered a Coke (sadly the best part of the entire meal) as an unsuccessful attempt to wash down the fried cheese that I chose as an appetizer. The cheese was a heavily breaded Chihuahua cheese that was either freezer burned or actually burned in dirty fryer grease. My pizza was only marginally better. In my amateur opinion, the beauty of wood-fired pizza should be the crispy crust. J Bar can’t quite seem to get this simple detail right. On my December visit, the pizza was clearly burned. This time the crust was soggy and wet. I could tell you which particular pizza off of the menu that I ordered, but that doesn’t really matter either.

To cap off the evening, the redneck family next to us was engaged in a lively discussion about their favorite sitcom, Malcolm X. I can call them rednecks because I come from a proud lineage of rednecks myself. From what I deduced of their conversation, they may have been referring to Malcolm in the Middle. At least I hope so, because Malcolm X doesn’t sound like a very funny show to me. And speaking of TV shows, the table on the other side of us was filled with the entire screeching cast of The Real Housewives of Hyde Park. Props to our server, Maxy, because he seemed to handle us, the rednecks and the Housewives with a skillfulness that eluded the kitchen staff.

It takes a lot for me to hate a restaurant this much, but J Bar has managed to accomplish that with ease. It is amazing considering the restaurant comes from the same operators as O’Bryon’s Bar and Grill which serves quite respectable bar food. Rarely do I ever say this, but J Bar goes on my personal “Never Going Back” list. Don’t waste your time or money either. I’ll never get that $60.00 or 60 minutes back.